A New Year, A New Resolution

I have recently been told that people do actually read my blog. I am flattered and humbled. It has been a very long time since I updated this blog. So long in fact that I almost lost access to it! Yikes!

I came across a little exercise that I thought was really ingenious. Rather then writing a list of resolutions and goals to try to aspire to, choose a word that represents the kind of change you would like to create in your life.
Unknowingly, I actually did this last year. My word was 'acceptance' and I think some great things came from that exercise. Last year we bought a condo and moved to a smaller space. We had to accept that we could not afford to buy a house in Vancouver, but would have to learn to live in a smaller space. What came was a smaller space in a great neighbourhood with great neighbours.
Matthew started kindergarten and finished his early intervention. I was afraid of letting go of our autism services and struggled against the change a bit. Once I accepted the change I realized Matthew and I were both capable of moving on with less support. We have come a long way!
I have noticed that my face is starting to droop, along with other parts of me, and my waist line continues to grow. I am learning to accept that aging is inevitable and freeing in a way. 40 is around the corner and approaching fast!
I am  also trying to accept that I have the power to change my waist line and maintain my own health with in my own hands. I proved this to myself in September when I decided to limit sugar in my diet. I started loosing weight, I noticed my skin looked better and I felt calm and clear. My sugar abstinence did not last thru the holidays and my waistline returned to its normal spare tire size. After the holidays I am feeling tired, depressed and bloated. I know sugar is a problem for me. Accepting that and learning to live with out it will be an on going challenge for me.
The word acceptance came to me at a difficult time when I was struggling with my fears about Matthew's health and future. I realised that I had not accepted that Matthew was different and would need on going special care through out his life. I was blaming myself for his problems and constantly trying to find a 'cure', so to speak. I realised the cure was in acceptance itself. I can not change the past and I can not know the future. I can only accept what is and work to improve what can be changed. When I changed my own mentality things started to fall into place.

Most importantly I learned to accept myself, and others, for who we are. Accepting my own limitations and flaws is allowing me to focus on my strengths and to rely on others to help me in areas where I am weak.

This year my word is going to be FOCUS. This will be a challenge. I am not known for my focus. I find my self wandering around my house aimlessly and standing in a room wondering how I got there and what my purpose was for being there. I find I am thinking about so many things at once that I get overwhelmed. I can never seem to empty a laundry basket or complete an activity. I sometimes find my self blogging when I should be making lunch for the kids!
I have started taking some computer courses and I could use some focus to get through them. I will need focus to apply the new information to some actual work. I will need focus to apply that work and start a small business.

The other word I picked for myself is FINISH. Finish putting the laundry away, finish that knitting project, finish this blog post!! It is pretty self explanatory. And I just have to have a third word...KINDNESS. I need to have kindness for myself if I lose focus and forget to finish!

Happy New Year!